For(e)word Thinking!
You must be thinking what took me so long to write. Dating, courtship and wedding plans kept me busy, too tied up, all excited. Well, it never ended there, the real thing is what after that. I know I’m mocked for not so good writing and asked to refer grammatical & awesome looking people who made their visibility seem interesting, like all bestsellers may not be good reads but are marketed that way. Coming to the point, writing is a stress buster relief to me, when I have just no one to talk to.
Of course, I miss my parents, grandpa & the house I lived there. I thought of calling them up time and again to say I miss them, but stopped there thinking they would seem worried. I’m not happy or what or it just gets to the other zone. My best friend’s all getting married and running around, I didn’t want to bother her, I know it’s tough. I haven’t planned it all. I knew pretty well about responsibilities marriage entailed and wanted to pretty much make it better. Our home, setting it up, doing little chores and learning to cook the best dinner, however little with me & hubby. Independence just made me do everything I wanted to whether it was buying thing for myself or doing my own little things, pampering or dependency is what I really hated. I never ever wanted things to be so easy, I always learnt the hard way, right from scratch. I always enjoyed conversations, jokes, laughter and yes conversing in the language I best could express myself.
At times, it was high up in the air, sometimes low. I felt almost lonely but whom to tell. I made writing my best friend. This is what my husband appreciated me for, and thought would continue the same. I still find it difficult and to comprehend the whole family thing, it was just about us two, we, us. I didn’t have an intention to marry, it was love that grew to partnership, companionship & understanding. You can’t afford a live-in, you had to tie the knot. Then, I love my job, wanted to be out of home, keep myself busy, earn my own money and meet new people that changed mindsets. There was no ambition to reach a certain position, but grow, learn, travel new places. And then to say I bought something of my ‘own’, you can’t all your life call anything of any one your own, not even family.
I’m not saying material things, it’s more about self-achievement, I loved doing what I want, no fear, take risks, learn and adapt to the situations that come across. Why be taken for granted, those systematic things and expectations, from family to teachers to bosses and everyone out there. If I haven’t done my part I’m blamed, because I’m the nurturer, the woman who can make or break homes. Is this life to just listen to people around talking about you-good or bad, controlling you, your emotions and then you are not the decision maker, you don’t have a view point.
Can I breathe, do what I want in life, I haven’t committed a crime. I just want to be me, whether young or grey-haired, married or single, I have every right to choose the way I live, not being so affected or dependent on the rest. Yes, I will do my part as nurturer, but what after that I need my space, my very own little space, no expectation, no love lost
I’m still the same, is it acceptable? Just because I don’t give it back, I’m always asked to say a ‘yes’ and move on. No promotion, no raise, I still have to be ‘perfect’ and why not, someone is taking those hard steps to train me. Teaching is different than involving, I learn when I’m made part of. I deserve what I deliver, I don’t want to wait or beg for it. I don’t demand, I don’t expect, I’m human, I need the respect, not to be talked about but a voice to be heard, a heart to be felt and a mind to understand.
Is not every woman sensing this, or is it just to go with the flow of life. We make our destiny, and why not, today’s scenario is different, we need change, a little change to look at things differently. To not be stuck with rigid traditions and rituals just because they have been followed, but to understand the need, the reason behind it, if not essential why then? Just to please you all, to make you happy on my happy day and then add to differences, chaos and what not.
Can we just ponder and understand the essence, be flexible, be open, go through it all sometimes, not being easy, lazy and demanding, less rigid, less dominating, more loving, more caring, no prejudice, no anxiety, a sensible consensus to make a decision. Is it necessary or are we trying to give it shimmer & glamour, make it look expensive and rave about it on social media.
Ca n it be more personal, less technology, sitting close at the dinner and still stuck to our messengers. Can we make a personal visit or call, can we stretch and go that extra mile to touch someone’s heart. Can we be treated like grown-ups and not an acquired property of the heritage genes. And make it look like legacy to be carried on, can we make it look simple, less sophisticated, more sacred, less material, more deeper, less fake.
We ought to make a difference, it will not happen until we take the first step. Can we do our bit to bring forward our foreword thinking?
Of course, I miss my parents, grandpa & the house I lived there. I thought of calling them up time and again to say I miss them, but stopped there thinking they would seem worried. I’m not happy or what or it just gets to the other zone. My best friend’s all getting married and running around, I didn’t want to bother her, I know it’s tough. I haven’t planned it all. I knew pretty well about responsibilities marriage entailed and wanted to pretty much make it better. Our home, setting it up, doing little chores and learning to cook the best dinner, however little with me & hubby. Independence just made me do everything I wanted to whether it was buying thing for myself or doing my own little things, pampering or dependency is what I really hated. I never ever wanted things to be so easy, I always learnt the hard way, right from scratch. I always enjoyed conversations, jokes, laughter and yes conversing in the language I best could express myself.
At times, it was high up in the air, sometimes low. I felt almost lonely but whom to tell. I made writing my best friend. This is what my husband appreciated me for, and thought would continue the same. I still find it difficult and to comprehend the whole family thing, it was just about us two, we, us. I didn’t have an intention to marry, it was love that grew to partnership, companionship & understanding. You can’t afford a live-in, you had to tie the knot. Then, I love my job, wanted to be out of home, keep myself busy, earn my own money and meet new people that changed mindsets. There was no ambition to reach a certain position, but grow, learn, travel new places. And then to say I bought something of my ‘own’, you can’t all your life call anything of any one your own, not even family.
I’m not saying material things, it’s more about self-achievement, I loved doing what I want, no fear, take risks, learn and adapt to the situations that come across. Why be taken for granted, those systematic things and expectations, from family to teachers to bosses and everyone out there. If I haven’t done my part I’m blamed, because I’m the nurturer, the woman who can make or break homes. Is this life to just listen to people around talking about you-good or bad, controlling you, your emotions and then you are not the decision maker, you don’t have a view point.
Can I breathe, do what I want in life, I haven’t committed a crime. I just want to be me, whether young or grey-haired, married or single, I have every right to choose the way I live, not being so affected or dependent on the rest. Yes, I will do my part as nurturer, but what after that I need my space, my very own little space, no expectation, no love lost
I’m still the same, is it acceptable? Just because I don’t give it back, I’m always asked to say a ‘yes’ and move on. No promotion, no raise, I still have to be ‘perfect’ and why not, someone is taking those hard steps to train me. Teaching is different than involving, I learn when I’m made part of. I deserve what I deliver, I don’t want to wait or beg for it. I don’t demand, I don’t expect, I’m human, I need the respect, not to be talked about but a voice to be heard, a heart to be felt and a mind to understand.
Is not every woman sensing this, or is it just to go with the flow of life. We make our destiny, and why not, today’s scenario is different, we need change, a little change to look at things differently. To not be stuck with rigid traditions and rituals just because they have been followed, but to understand the need, the reason behind it, if not essential why then? Just to please you all, to make you happy on my happy day and then add to differences, chaos and what not.
Can we just ponder and understand the essence, be flexible, be open, go through it all sometimes, not being easy, lazy and demanding, less rigid, less dominating, more loving, more caring, no prejudice, no anxiety, a sensible consensus to make a decision. Is it necessary or are we trying to give it shimmer & glamour, make it look expensive and rave about it on social media.
Ca n it be more personal, less technology, sitting close at the dinner and still stuck to our messengers. Can we make a personal visit or call, can we stretch and go that extra mile to touch someone’s heart. Can we be treated like grown-ups and not an acquired property of the heritage genes. And make it look like legacy to be carried on, can we make it look simple, less sophisticated, more sacred, less material, more deeper, less fake.
We ought to make a difference, it will not happen until we take the first step. Can we do our bit to bring forward our foreword thinking?
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