Crossroads

Confident, satisfied and dead sure the way I wanted things to be, but never knew there was a border line between aspirations and destiny. After all the prayers, research and everything, it made no difference to what I really wanted to do. Biggest decision at the crucial age of 25, where to go now, what to do, I’m I in the right place and questions like these popped up my mind. The stagnant, monotonous and mechanical way of working wasn’t meant for me. I had other reasons of my own of sticking on. I wish I could turn back time. Nevertheless, it has just been first love, and a hard way to quit something, and then do what.
Something that you always enjoyed, loved to do and figure out all of a sudden, it wasn’t meant for you. That’s the call. Standing at four roads, wasn’t the crossroads. The cross was the glorified failure I had to overcome just to hone that skill. The hidden talent, so late I discovered, maybe by others first, was a compelling voice saying what I’m I doing all this while. Is it what I was passionate about doing?
It made no sense dragging or it was a time of hibernation, break, experiment and explore ways and means to tap the right opportunity. That was the saga of the royal dream. Dead, now alive!
Voila, there it is! I wish I could differentiate or rather discern what is that that I can improvise and make that weakness my strength. All the efforts in vain, tried, and adapted to things I accepted was my way of living life. I was doing what I wanted, not what I should be doing instead. Engulfed in pain, sorrow, rejection and negligence of unavoidable circumstances in my life, I thought life is a dead end for me. What more? What else? Is there a call to conversion?
No, it’s not vocational practice of celibacy. It’s a call to do what you’re here for. Selfishly enjoying the merits of my fruits, and not sharing or contributing the knowledge for a better tomorrow, is a mean side of the human nature. Getting along with days, nights, and it turned to months and years waiting for the right opportunity to come. Doubts that overshadow even the little confidence I have. I have stored that little which needs thinking and action as well. Not a robot sitting and taking orders with a limited area of mind-space used. I’m so not continuing this way. I need to take a call, stand, decision, whatever you may call it. It’s time to know where I can shape my future and life, atleast a direction that leads me to where I ought to be. It’s a process, journey that is never-ending so long the full stops don’t intervene.
Yes, it’s never too late, but the awakening is almost on the verge of saying grow up, transform and keep it alive and burning. Not just to feel good about it, but the whether it reaps rich harvest for the very seeds of initiative sown.