Conflicting Minds

A little bit of sadness, I thought I could share A little bit of happiness, wonder if it is still there A little bit of hope, a little bit of dream Too late to realize I’m out of the team Taking the risk of the road less travelled With zest and passion to take over the task Silently and patiently time passed by The faith in my dreams diminished nearby Not knowing the narrow ways ahead Sometimes felt I could have just fled All in my mind, to do a lot of things Had to give up, what more could it bring It’s hard to leave what you really love A little bit of faith, a little bit of support Could have taken me a long way The talent I have is dying inside me Crying out to save and bring back life to it The expectations that crush me The constraints that stop me The boundaries that I must cross The roadblocks that come my way A little bit of chance to prove myself A little bit of appreciation to help myself Just one more thing that will help me grow Always loo...

“Hi! I’m Betty, remember the last time we met at Kevin’s birthday bash….it’s no more party! ‘Bash’ -I thought innocent souls were beaten up. Sophistication and style has gained importance rather than using the right words in the right context. The power of owning idioms and amassing wealth of rich creamy vocabulary is the ‘in thing’. Acceptance plays an important role here. The first impression and the way one starts a conversation talks from which part of the town you are. There comes society, class and brand-centric community. From what we wear to what we shopped, we only believe in talking and flaunting, realizing we lose track resulting in gossip and a drunken state of mind that comes free, when we are brave enough to speak the truth. Next day hangovers erupt news, rumors out of what we really said that what we ever meant. Yes, it worsened words and relations. I truly call it ‘Con-worse-ations’. Mankind not kind enough to apologize and repeatedly inculcate it as part of our life...

Confident, satisfied and dead sure the way I wanted things to be, but never knew there was a border line between aspirations and destiny. After all the prayers, research and everything, it made no difference to what I really wanted to do. Biggest decision at the crucial age of 25, where to go now, what to do, I’m I in the right place and questions like these popped up my mind. The stagnant, monotonous and mechanical way of working wasn’t meant for me. I had other reasons of my own of sticking on. I wish I could turn back time. Nevertheless, it has just been first love, and a hard way to quit something, and then do what. Something that you always enjoyed, loved to do and figure out all of a sudden, it wasn’t meant for you. That’s the call. Standing at four roads, wasn’t the crossroads. The cross was the glorified failure I had to overcome just to hone that skill. The hidden talent, so late I discovered, maybe by others first, was a compelling voice saying what I’m I doing all this whil...

Limited editions. Limited writers. Limited rights. How do we combat that? When the right talent is not in the right place. Movements, quits and hop-skip and jumps all over again. It becomes a cycle, a habit, an addiction. Even thinking and actions get restricted. A better way to improvise it…..let’s think, but not limit our ways. Thinking beyond imagination, looking beyond the reality and yes, the connection with words, circumstances and people. How often does this take place? In my case, yes all the more. It starts with ignorance, negligence and rejection, humiliation a long way. Battling goes on in the mind. I can’t express, I hold back and I’m short of ideas. My thinking power reduces. Not because I can’t or don’t want to. It’s the suppression of dominance of experience over the amateurs. Taught great things, discussed and arriving at a point of decision is the final approval. I have no say, I can’t think better than this. Why a ‘NO’, just because I’m not at the level of superiorit...

No! This time it’s nothing different, the usual stuff….no complaints, no grudges, no excuses, no expectations. Over-excited when I know I’m getting what I always wanted. But yes, a fear of losing out on it and in the end not enjoying it. Be it interests, food, clothes, job or relations, it’s very difficult to stick to a thing that begins with joy and ends with pain. It’s just like sand that slips from the hand. Everything seems bright in the beginning, but you reach a stage where you tend to get saturated and want to just give up. It’s not escape, it’s mere freedom from things that you cling to and get used to. And when it leaves you, it takes time to recover from the distant chord. I wish had done so many things, follies, regrets and all that was said and done. Why did they even come into my life? I pondered over it and the more I thought, I felt it was useless and just go with the flow. It also brings nostalgia and memoirs of the times you wish you could re-live. A special feeling ...

The fact is about having joined the league of Singles is an exciting journey altogether. There is a sense of filling the gaps, and not being complete. Numerous flings, no strings attached and yet, looking for the so called “perfect one”. Having come across folks who have passed the test, shortlisted, but haven’t made it to the Oscars! Trial and error, experiments and mistakes-that have made us learn, grow, regret and re-construct better ways of getting through. It’s a lot more complicated now, juggling our priorities-home, work, family, friends, spiritual, social and personal aspects of our lives. A meaningful breakthrough, spontaneous, surprisingly that says, “Yes! This is the moment I was waiting for”. Mixed feelings that came across, had doubted whether it really was love, another dimension of it or just an attraction. Folks in and out of live, not matching your wavelength, lifestyle, age, culture and et al. A long list of looking for an ideal one still remains on the Schindler’...

It makes me think the worth of being brought up well. A parent’s duty, an orphan’s necessity. Even children born are deprived of it. Is it just material wealth, food, shelter, clothes-I wonder. I ponder over those giving birth to children, but have failed in their duties to give them the right kind of upbringing. Parents are over concerned about their children, and why not, after all their parents. Over protective and will do whatever they can, even yield to their stubbornness. But yet devoid of that love and understanding. I have come across my pals who have been forced to take up careers and marry the person of their parent’s choice. Parents have failed to understand that they try to fulfill their incomplete needs, which they haven’t been able to achieve in their life and now do so through their children. A child’s needs, aspirations, abilities and interests are killed. They suffer from depression and succumb to addictions where they seek love and attention. A child is broken lik...

To whomsoever it may not concern, To be born or born again!  Especially when your surname comes to the most commonly heard “The D’Souza’s”. Sounds we have achieved the highest runs in the test cricket series ever. The best part is the way social networking works and the Christian get-togethers. The most common thing is the surname that I’m added as a friend or I belong to Mangalore or some other common thread. Every occasion I discover a new country cousin of mine-“Are you a D’Souza too?”, “Are you a Mangy D’Souza?” ( that means belonging to Mangalore), and then some place in native which I have never even heard of.  A constant battle between cuisines-Mangy vs. Goan, and a smirk on the face on how can one have coconut put in all their dishes! And if I even tell them “I’m from Gujarat, they call me a “Gujju by default”. It’s terrible to know people are more bothered about your roots, than about your boots…i.e. they ask me from where I am, ...