It’s happening all over again!

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No! This time it’s nothing different, the usual stuff….no complaints, no grudges, no excuses, no expectations. Over-excited when I know I’m getting what I always wanted. But yes, a fear of losing out on it and in the end not enjoying it. Be it interests, food, clothes, job or relations, it’s very difficult to stick to a thing that begins with joy and ends with pain.
It’s just like sand that slips from the hand. Everything seems bright in the beginning, but you reach a stage where you tend to get saturated and want to just give up. It’s not escape, it’s mere freedom from things that you cling to and get used to. And when it leaves you, it takes time to recover from the distant chord.
I wish had done so many things, follies, regrets and all that was said and done. Why did they even come into my life? I pondered over it and the more I thought, I felt it was useless and just go with the flow. It also brings nostalgia and memoirs of the times you wish you could re-live. A special feeling of appreciation, fun, hugs, tears and laughter, pranks and exciting adventurous acts that had to make it to my special Guiness. No technology could ever record it, but my mind captured it, my heart kept it alive, and yes I’m still living!
Still on the journey of discovering what life wants from me…I’m not questioning destiny why me? I’m only thinking about the recurring happening of events that are happening time and again have some logic or science behind it. Nature plays a role they say, but I believe man shapes his own destiny. Having come across categories of people and trying to adapt to situations, lifestyles, it hasn’t been easy; a struggle yes, a transformation, I say, but not what I wishes. I just managed to reach the landmark, but missed the road back. It’s like meeting strangers on the way, and engulfed in the art of conversation, I change the direction. I have missed the road, I have changed my destiny. I have a travelling companion. Some more join the league. I have abundance. And then I lose them, because the journey is too short and they have reached their destination. And I’m wondering when will I.
Isn’t it strange? Leaving everything behind, in a new city, unaware of its surroundings, I gallivant like a vagabond, with a goal and no direction. I need help but I can’t trust help in disguise.
I need, I desire, I aspire. All 3 are different and distant. That’s why I don’t plan for the future, I prefer going with the flow. Atleast the love and admiration bestowed on me is shared and distributed, not selfish owing to one. I’m blessed to have the privilege of learning, multi-tasking and living life the hard way.
The feeling of earning that respect, yet not losing it, as it has made me even more stronger, and I have been able to take life responsibly, seriously handling with care as the process is more important than the journey.
The recurring deposit account has been accumulating every now and then, and sometimes it’s too much to take in things that one can’t accept so easily, but yes, trying hard to figure out ways and means to get the best out of whatever I have worked for.
That’s life. It’s beautiful. And from the other side, it’s real….a dream that needs to be lived rather than fulfilled!
ScentiMentalist - Sensory & Aromas Expert, Brand Strategist, Food & Wine Enthusiast!

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