Conflicting Minds

No! This time it’s nothing different, the usual stuff….no complaints, no grudges, no excuses, no expectations. Over-excited when I know I’m getting what I always wanted. But yes, a fear of losing out on it and in the end not enjoying it. Be it interests, food, clothes, job or relations, it’s very difficult to stick to a thing that begins with joy and ends with pain. It’s just like sand that slips from the hand. Everything seems bright in the beginning, but you reach a stage where you tend to get saturated and want to just give up. It’s not escape, it’s mere freedom from things that you cling to and get used to. And when it leaves you, it takes time to recover from the distant chord. I wish had done so many things, follies, regrets and all that was said and done. Why did they even come into my life? I pondered over it and the more I thought, I felt it was useless and just go with the flow. It also brings nostalgia and memoirs of the times you wish you could re-live. A special feeling ...

The fact is about having joined the league of Singles is an exciting journey altogether. There is a sense of filling the gaps, and not being complete. Numerous flings, no strings attached and yet, looking for the so called “perfect one”. Having come across folks who have passed the test, shortlisted, but haven’t made it to the Oscars! Trial and error, experiments and mistakes-that have made us learn, grow, regret and re-construct better ways of getting through. It’s a lot more complicated now, juggling our priorities-home, work, family, friends, spiritual, social and personal aspects of our lives. A meaningful breakthrough, spontaneous, surprisingly that says, “Yes! This is the moment I was waiting for”. Mixed feelings that came across, had doubted whether it really was love, another dimension of it or just an attraction. Folks in and out of live, not matching your wavelength, lifestyle, age, culture and et al. A long list of looking for an ideal one still remains on the Schindler’...

It makes me think the worth of being brought up well. A parent’s duty, an orphan’s necessity. Even children born are deprived of it. Is it just material wealth, food, shelter, clothes-I wonder. I ponder over those giving birth to children, but have failed in their duties to give them the right kind of upbringing. Parents are over concerned about their children, and why not, after all their parents. Over protective and will do whatever they can, even yield to their stubbornness. But yet devoid of that love and understanding. I have come across my pals who have been forced to take up careers and marry the person of their parent’s choice. Parents have failed to understand that they try to fulfill their incomplete needs, which they haven’t been able to achieve in their life and now do so through their children. A child’s needs, aspirations, abilities and interests are killed. They suffer from depression and succumb to addictions where they seek love and attention. A child is broken lik...

To whomsoever it may not concern, To be born or born again!  Especially when your surname comes to the most commonly heard “The D’Souza’s”. Sounds we have achieved the highest runs in the test cricket series ever. The best part is the way social networking works and the Christian get-togethers. The most common thing is the surname that I’m added as a friend or I belong to Mangalore or some other common thread. Every occasion I discover a new country cousin of mine-“Are you a D’Souza too?”, “Are you a Mangy D’Souza?” ( that means belonging to Mangalore), and then some place in native which I have never even heard of.  A constant battle between cuisines-Mangy vs. Goan, and a smirk on the face on how can one have coconut put in all their dishes! And if I even tell them “I’m from Gujarat, they call me a “Gujju by default”. It’s terrible to know people are more bothered about your roots, than about your boots…i.e. they ask me from where I am, ...